Imagine if you will a mighty river flowing by and I am standing on the bank. Passing by, floating, splashing, serving in the river (Kingdom of God, on earth as it is in heaven) are people. The fulltime ministers are most always in the river, I see them often passing by. I stand on the bank with my home and cars and Harley and boat. The bank is often fun. I jump into the river on Wednesday nights and most Saturdays and Sundays. I splash around on Tuesday night and occasionally at other times. I love it. I feel most content, most at peace in the river. I long for more time in the river with those who pass by. I think God really loves me as much as those who are in the river on a more regular basis. I think God will let me continue just what I am doing as long as I want. I really don’t even think that if I stay on the bank it will really change my relationship with God, He loves me on the bank and he loves me in the river. Many would say to me there is no difference the Kingdom of God is happening on the bank also and I somewhat agree, but why does my spirit feel such a difference? Why does the river feel so much better?
What is keeping me on the bank? Why the discontentment on the bank? What do I have on the bank that is better than being in the river? What could I do to stay in the river longer? I often think and hear that some are “called” to be in the river fulltime and some are not. That may be true. But when I read things like "When Jesus heard this, he said to him, You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.'" Luke 18:22 , I often wonder.
What if the offer to come into the river fulltime or at least often, is really available for everyone? What if I could jump into the river anytime I want and stay as long as I want? What if the only thing keeping me out of the river is me, my things? What if I accepted the fact that from the largest things (homes, Harley’s) to the smallest things (Starbucks Chi Tea Latte’s) all things are paid with this currency, time in the river?
I MUST decide how much time I can bear on the bank; it is my choice, my decision. I currently am living in a way that cost me 40 hours a week on the bank. I think I need a new budget. I might start slow and reduce my time on the bank to 32 hours and then who knows?
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Spiritual Schizophrenia
Spiritual Schizophrenia is a phrase that I did not coin but I believe has confronted me lately in multiple people . I don’t think Spiritual Schizophrenics even know they have this condition. So I write this knowing that you may immediately recognize the “disease” in me and I may not be aware of it. I think I should define what I am calling Spiritual Schizophrenia so we are on the same page. I think Spiritual Schizophrenia is a condition that causes well meaning godly men and women to do things like the following.
They make bold brash statements that convince you that they hear from God louder and clearer than you hear from God. For example, I have prayed and fasted and I know for certain God wants me to………….., you fill in the blank. Then 6 minutes to 6 months later they are back home from Bangladesh and looking for a house and a car and some clothing since they sold theirs and all their possessions when God spoke so clearly to them to sell everything and go to Bangladesh.
Or they stand in the pulpit and tell the congregation how clearly God spoke to them about this being home. Then 6 minutes later they tell everyone within earshot how this “pit of hell” is no longer worthy of them or maybe if they really feel pious they just feel “called” to another church.
Confession time, God doesn’t speak as clearly to me! I seem to strain and occasionally hear His still small voice. I hear a whisper go this way and hope I am not crazy, or worse yet listening to my heart or Satan’s lies. I look at His word and see general directions like “Seek ye first” and “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go” but I don’t know if I should have toast or a biscuit this morning for breakfast, let alone have any idea what God will lead me into next year. I don’t know how long I will be at such and such church or involved in such and such ministry. Sorry to confess this, I am in church leadership and run a Christian Para church ministry and I hope I am not the only near deaf one. Or maybe I should say I hope I am the only deaf one. At least that way the church will be getting good clear easy to understand directions from The Most High and one deaf man won’t ruin God’s plans.
I think we have a tendency to think that we don’t have to work out our salvation in fear and trembling. I think we forget “ If it is hard for the righteous to be saved, what will happen to the ungodly and the sinner?" I think we read scripture and think that God after the garden was really hanging out with His children in such a way that it required no faith.
After all Moses and the people had the cloud of fire and manna and you name it and still did not hear from God enough to keep them from absolutely doing the opposite of what He wanted. Please don’t think that I think God does not speak to His children. My sheep hear my voice is what He says. But this is what I think, the righteous will live by faith. Faith is not always about black and white, loud communication. Sometimes faith is doing what Elisabeth Elliott always said, “ Do the next thing”.
Faith makes me tremble. Faith makes me wonder. Faith makes me seek to place my self in a position to hear a still small voice more often than I currently do. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. All my plans are under the heading of if God wills I will do such and such next year. I can not worry about tomorrow let alone make some dogmatic statement about all God has shown me or called me to do. I hear a whisper and do the next thing and every night say Lord I hope I heard you right on that. Or sorry Lord I think I missed something today. I also admit that at times I do hear and just flat ignore the message.
It is before God that I stand or fall. I confess I don’t have all this figured out. I pray that I am not a Spiritual Schizophrenic who runs from one thing to the next , all the while claiming my steps are ordered by The Lord, as the world looks at the unstable flighty things I do. The steps of a godly man are ordered by The Lord. Paul was in different places doing different things all the time. But he was not making dogmatic statements that he was always having to eat crow about. Do the next thing, keep quiet about all the grand things God has shown you. People will recognize when you do something of The Lord. Then you won’t bring confusion and doubt and wonder(about God’s Church and you) into peoples minds when they see you change your mind and plans 16 times in two years.
I don’t know what tomorrow brings, thank God I know the one who brings tomorrow!
They make bold brash statements that convince you that they hear from God louder and clearer than you hear from God. For example, I have prayed and fasted and I know for certain God wants me to………….., you fill in the blank. Then 6 minutes to 6 months later they are back home from Bangladesh and looking for a house and a car and some clothing since they sold theirs and all their possessions when God spoke so clearly to them to sell everything and go to Bangladesh.
Or they stand in the pulpit and tell the congregation how clearly God spoke to them about this being home. Then 6 minutes later they tell everyone within earshot how this “pit of hell” is no longer worthy of them or maybe if they really feel pious they just feel “called” to another church.
Confession time, God doesn’t speak as clearly to me! I seem to strain and occasionally hear His still small voice. I hear a whisper go this way and hope I am not crazy, or worse yet listening to my heart or Satan’s lies. I look at His word and see general directions like “Seek ye first” and “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go” but I don’t know if I should have toast or a biscuit this morning for breakfast, let alone have any idea what God will lead me into next year. I don’t know how long I will be at such and such church or involved in such and such ministry. Sorry to confess this, I am in church leadership and run a Christian Para church ministry and I hope I am not the only near deaf one. Or maybe I should say I hope I am the only deaf one. At least that way the church will be getting good clear easy to understand directions from The Most High and one deaf man won’t ruin God’s plans.
I think we have a tendency to think that we don’t have to work out our salvation in fear and trembling. I think we forget “ If it is hard for the righteous to be saved, what will happen to the ungodly and the sinner?" I think we read scripture and think that God after the garden was really hanging out with His children in such a way that it required no faith.
After all Moses and the people had the cloud of fire and manna and you name it and still did not hear from God enough to keep them from absolutely doing the opposite of what He wanted. Please don’t think that I think God does not speak to His children. My sheep hear my voice is what He says. But this is what I think, the righteous will live by faith. Faith is not always about black and white, loud communication. Sometimes faith is doing what Elisabeth Elliott always said, “ Do the next thing”.
Faith makes me tremble. Faith makes me wonder. Faith makes me seek to place my self in a position to hear a still small voice more often than I currently do. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. All my plans are under the heading of if God wills I will do such and such next year. I can not worry about tomorrow let alone make some dogmatic statement about all God has shown me or called me to do. I hear a whisper and do the next thing and every night say Lord I hope I heard you right on that. Or sorry Lord I think I missed something today. I also admit that at times I do hear and just flat ignore the message.
It is before God that I stand or fall. I confess I don’t have all this figured out. I pray that I am not a Spiritual Schizophrenic who runs from one thing to the next , all the while claiming my steps are ordered by The Lord, as the world looks at the unstable flighty things I do. The steps of a godly man are ordered by The Lord. Paul was in different places doing different things all the time. But he was not making dogmatic statements that he was always having to eat crow about. Do the next thing, keep quiet about all the grand things God has shown you. People will recognize when you do something of The Lord. Then you won’t bring confusion and doubt and wonder(about God’s Church and you) into peoples minds when they see you change your mind and plans 16 times in two years.
I don’t know what tomorrow brings, thank God I know the one who brings tomorrow!
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