Spiritual Schizophrenia

Spiritual Schizophrenia is a phrase that I did not coin but I believe has confronted me lately in multiple people . I don’t think Spiritual Schizophrenics even know they have this condition. So I write this knowing that you may immediately recognize the “disease” in me and I may not be aware of it. I think I should define what I am calling Spiritual Schizophrenia so we are on the same page. I think Spiritual Schizophrenia is a condition that causes well meaning godly men and women to do things like the following.
They make bold brash statements that convince you that they hear from God louder and clearer than you hear from God. For example, I have prayed and fasted and I know for certain God wants me to………….., you fill in the blank. Then 6 minutes to 6 months later they are back home from Bangladesh and looking for a house and a car and some clothing since they sold theirs and all their possessions when God spoke so clearly to them to sell everything and go to Bangladesh.
Or they stand in the pulpit and tell the congregation how clearly God spoke to them about this being home. Then 6 minutes later they tell everyone within earshot how this “pit of hell” is no longer worthy of them or maybe if they really feel pious they just feel “called” to another church.
Confession time, God doesn’t speak as clearly to me! I seem to strain and occasionally hear His still small voice. I hear a whisper go this way and hope I am not crazy, or worse yet listening to my heart or Satan’s lies. I look at His word and see general directions like “Seek ye first” and “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go” but I don’t know if I should have toast or a biscuit this morning for breakfast, let alone have any idea what God will lead me into next year. I don’t know how long I will be at such and such church or involved in such and such ministry. Sorry to confess this, I am in church leadership and run a Christian Para church ministry and I hope I am not the only near deaf one. Or maybe I should say I hope I am the only deaf one. At least that way the church will be getting good clear easy to understand directions from The Most High and one deaf man won’t ruin God’s plans.
I think we have a tendency to think that we don’t have to work out our salvation in fear and trembling. I think we forget “ If it is hard for the righteous to be saved, what will happen to the ungodly and the sinner?" I think we read scripture and think that God after the garden was really hanging out with His children in such a way that it required no faith.
After all Moses and the people had the cloud of fire and manna and you name it and still did not hear from God enough to keep them from absolutely doing the opposite of what He wanted. Please don’t think that I think God does not speak to His children. My sheep hear my voice is what He says. But this is what I think, the righteous will live by faith. Faith is not always about black and white, loud communication. Sometimes faith is doing what Elisabeth Elliott always said, “ Do the next thing”.
Faith makes me tremble. Faith makes me wonder. Faith makes me seek to place my self in a position to hear a still small voice more often than I currently do. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. All my plans are under the heading of if God wills I will do such and such next year. I can not worry about tomorrow let alone make some dogmatic statement about all God has shown me or called me to do. I hear a whisper and do the next thing and every night say Lord I hope I heard you right on that. Or sorry Lord I think I missed something today. I also admit that at times I do hear and just flat ignore the message.
It is before God that I stand or fall. I confess I don’t have all this figured out. I pray that I am not a Spiritual Schizophrenic who runs from one thing to the next , all the while claiming my steps are ordered by The Lord, as the world looks at the unstable flighty things I do. The steps of a godly man are ordered by The Lord. Paul was in different places doing different things all the time. But he was not making dogmatic statements that he was always having to eat crow about. Do the next thing, keep quiet about all the grand things God has shown you. People will recognize when you do something of The Lord. Then you won’t bring confusion and doubt and wonder(about God’s Church and you) into peoples minds when they see you change your mind and plans 16 times in two years.
I don’t know what tomorrow brings, thank God I know the one who brings tomorrow!